I haven’t gone off just for the hell of it lately. Maybe a tiny little bit here and there as an aside so today is rant day. Something went very very wrong yesterday where just about anything could set me off and send me into an enraged state. In fact everything enraged me yesterday. I’ll stick to the photo enragements otherwise this would take just about a year and a half to actually write down all of the things that pissed me off. Hey, I generally stayed away from people — as in actual real live people — as much as possible yesterday. I’m old enough and understand myself enough to at least do that. I did have to ship a couple of things and nearly went berserk when the package store lady explained to me that they could pack something for me but could not give me or sell me even the smallest amount of bubblewrap. Yep — they will pack it for free but will NOT GIVE ME A SINGLE SHEET OF BUBBLE WRAP. As in I’ll pack it myself, I just paid you for the boxes I just don’t want you handling my shit. Thank goodness I was able to control myself and just leave before something violent happened.
Okay — first up, lighting educators. Specifically a chick. That term deserves some explaination so here’s why I’m using it — the female in question puts on a faux I don’t know nothin’ bout nothin’ bullshit front because she thinks it makes her more approachable and easier to understand hence the prejoritive politically incorrect term. It’s clearly plastic and from my point of view insulting to anyone that actually is not retarded. I hate people that dumb things down so much that it’s sickeningly apparent to a patronizing level. Hate it. So turns out she doesn’t know nothin’ ‘bout nothin’ which I guess could be funny but it’s not.
Here’s the brief synopsis as quickly as possible so I can get to the inflection point that caused the blood boiling. She shoots natural light. Specifically she uses a window and some reflectors for every single thing she does. Fine — I like windows, may as well tune in to this low stress thing to see if she has any points I might even steal for my own little window light mini-workshops. Turns out she doesn’t — she only likes one kind of light at one kind of ratio. That’s her thing, end of story. Okay that’s all fine and dandy but here’s that thing that at first caused me to roll my eye’s into the back of my head…
I like it big and soft and add a giant shear diffuser to a giant window that already is all north light and huge so it’s even huger and then I use 64 square feet of white reflector (not exaggerating — literally) and then I add another 10 square feet of reflector even closer in and… you know nice and soft like a beauty dish.
Yep — ”like a beauty dish”. Once caused the eyes to roll back into my head. Unfortunatly the second time caused me to see red. Can you imagine what point I was at when she hit the ”like a beauty dish” thing the 10th time? Really — at least 10 times. No shit. When describing an effect she decided to pick a strobe modifier that pretty much couldn’t be farther from what the effect she likes, uses, was demonstrating, etc. At repeat of false simile numero 4 I was like — will some one please hit her with a bat… please. Hey lighting guy — the strobe guy standing right next to her, pick up that C-stand and bash her with it just so she will stop that. By the 10th time I was ready to go find them and take my ball-peen hammer with me. And we wonder why this is so complicated… wonder how many people will repeat that in how many versions of wrong and misleading? You do realize I have to fix these people that now have this notion that a “beauty” dish looks like a big giant diffused window…
Okay, moving on to camera reviewers, endless Fuji fantasy, and bashing of the Df. That sounds like a lot of things lumped together — and it is but somehow it’s curiously in the same context. Remember my interchangable hands reference when I went off on that word I hate — ergonmics? Well it appears as if what I said in sarcasm must be the case for more than one popular internet camera reviewer. Just for the fun of it I went and did a little research on a few different Df bashers that have had a common complaint. The complaint being “the grip is too small for my hands”. The punchline… every single one of those morons also reviewed all of the Fuji cameras and a few of them the OM-D EM-5 as well. It appears they must actually have interchangable hands.
Every single one of them had no complaints about the grip size nor the controls on any of those smaller bodies. How can this be the case without interchangable hands? I will assure you that the grip on every single Fuji and Olympus is smaller than the Df. I can also assure you that every single control is more awkward for bigger hands than the Df Mr. Big hands guy. Oooops sorry you must have had your D4 hands on when you reviewed the Df. I have an idea — why the fuck don’t you put your Fuji hands on when you review the Df? Then you can stop complaining about the fucking grip… no? Ohhh I get it the Fuji hands would then make the grip too too big, or would it be just right but you wouldn’t be able to reach the shutter release at all with your Fuji hands? Go to hell, you guys are idiots.
Whatever… okay I could go on and on and on with just the photo-related crap that infuriated me yesterday but I’m at a 1000 words. I’m using that new goal feature that turns red when I hit 1000 words in the latest Ulysses III update. I’m hoping it will curb some of those rediculously long 5000 word posts I accidently spew out. I’m starting to come of the mood today so hopefully this fixes me and I can get back to something useful tomorrow.
Have a nice day :-)
Ps. That ending was super sarcastic in case it doesn’t translate. As the other group of fuckheads that pissed me off were the “every thing is wonderful” crowd of plastic fake bullshit upbeat photo-people… Nobody is that happy all the time — unless they are actually brain damaged assuming they aren’t then it must by ummmm a lie.